From Sunrise To Sunset

I can only remember my parents arguing properly once. They were in the kitchen and had a row over a small, petty thing that became pretty insignificant after a while. When people get very upset, I find that it doesn't seem to matter too much what the starting topic was, but suddenly, everything comes out: important and not, relevant and irrelevant. Well that day was one of those times. But when I think about it, that argument means nothing negative to me, actually I see it in quite a positive way. This is because I always remember how I asked my dad the next day how him and mum were and he said 'fine'... not the repeated 'fine' that means absolutely nothing, but the reassuring and calming 'fine' that tells me everything will be ok... dad even asked why I asked, because he had forgotten what had gone on the night before. The thought that this was probably due to him not listening or paying attention to everything never crossed my mind. You see, when I grow up and (hopefully) fall in love, I want to have the kind of relationship my parents have- where they might argue like any human beings do, but the next day they can wholeheartedly kiss each other goodbye and forget anything ever happened. I don't think I had ever witnessed such wholehearted forgiveness until that moment- where you could tell they were still both hurting but decided to put it past them for the sake of my brother and I, and because small petty things aren't worth fighting for. I know I am so lucky to have parents who love each other and are still together, and who have only had one real fight, and I realise that I am one of the fortunate ones. But with the losses that I've experienced the past couple of years, I've learnt that people aren't here forever, and that we need to make the most of the time we have with them, before it's all too late. I want to find that someone who will be like my parents are to each other and who I can be like that to. We'll see where my life takes me, but I honestly thank my parents so much for what they've taught me- intentionally or unintentionally- and if I do or don't find that person, I'm content enough to say that I have experienced what true love is and that I know what I'm looking for.

I feel like i’m playing catch-up with this blog. I don’t really care about the fact that no one’s probably going to read it, it’s really only for my own benefit- I want to sit down and remember this stuff, and then have a record of it... and if that does mean taking time out of the period in which I should be studying, then ‘carebare’ ;) For the past 2 years, I haven’t really enjoyed Aberdaron. Last year it was disappointing- things happened that I don’t want to have to talk about ever again, relationships between people broke down, the teens weren’t as united as they were the previous year, rumors started circulating and frankly after Sweden, it couldn’t even get a toe near the fun i’d just had. But anyways, I went back expecting very little, but got quite a lot. KS and DB were so sweet and made me feel like i was part of the group. I fainted in the sea, which insanely embarrassing and also very scary, so i won’t be jumping off that cliff again! You know, sometimes I go to Aberdaron and I feel accepted and appreciated, yet other times I’m there i feel as if i’m alone and isolated. I just wanted to stay in the Vasterang spirit for that little bit longer, so I spent a lot of time chatting on my laptop, something I regret yet don’t regret at the same time... Vasterang was a place where i felt like i belonged, where i was appreciated, where i was part of a family, so to be suddenly transported to a completely different country, where I felt almost the exact opposite, was a little too much for me to handle. However, kitchen-utensil ping pong and freeze pops soon took my mind off of things... for a few minutes at least! MB was on crutches the whole week, which made going to the beach a little difficult, but to be honest, it got him enough sympathy for lifts, lunches and attention, so I doubt he minded one bit! I felt bad for him, especially as I had left his pain medication at home when I combined my 2 bags on the station platform (but someone brought it up later) so that i could get me, our 2 suitcases, his bag and him on crutches onto and off of 2 trains, but he didn’t seem to be too badly affected so it wasn’t too bad. I am so envious of him in that he is so calm in these sorts of situations; i panic for the both of us and he is calm for the both of us. On the other hand, he was in agony when he got off the plane because of the bad landing, and no one was there to help us down the mile long stretch to baggage claim, and he was beginning to lose his cool exterior a little bit. But on the train, I realised how lucky i am to have him. You know, some people grow up without a sibling and to be frank, I don’t understand how they do it. We borrowed each other’s stuff, did errands for one another, helped each other get to where they needed to be- on the trains, in the trains and off the trains- and talked for hours about music, life, Sweden, relationships, parents, future plans and everything in between. Don’t tell him this, but I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him. Since he’s now too strong and i’m too weak for us to physically fight, we now insult each other, and everytime i know i’ve hurt him and he’s hurt me, I just think about how someday, I’ll be seeing as much of him as dad sees auntie E, which really depresses me actually. What with NC leaving as well, I’ve come to realise that people aren’t around forever, and we need to spend as much valuable time as we have together having fun and appreciating who each other is, before it’s too late.

I miss summer. Don't get me wrong, I love autumn- today was such a nice day, bright sunshine, red leaves, clear sky- but schoolwork is such a downer. To be honest, school itself isn't too bad, like anything it has its good and bad moments, but it's not ridiculously horrendous. Yet I keep remembering that summer 2009 was so honestly amazing. 10 weeks of almost pure bliss- the heatwave, no school, good exam results, Vasterang, Oskosh, Tour, Aberdaron, Lifeguarding. I met some amazing people this summer, and was reunited with 3 pretty "awesome" characters across the pond, not to mention a fair few fantastic Swedes. Man, I miss them all. I don't want to forget this summer, not ever- the lessons i've learnt, the people i've met, the friends i've been reunited with, the places i've discovered, the memories i've created, the injuries i sustained, the tan i got, those moments that i hope to treasure forever, the person i've become. As far as memories go, i don't think i could have made more in the space of 2 and a half months than i did between june and august. Whilst people say that it's so great to be able to look back on what you've done with a smile, it's still so hard to accept that it's over and that it will never happen again. Have i just lived the best time of my life or will amazing things happen once again? There's only someone that knows the answer to that question, I guess.